What Color Parachute Does Your Astrological Nemeis Have?
I have a confession to make. I've never bought a self-help book. There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought self-help books were for ninnies. I equated self-help books with
I know people need help. I need help at times. But I'm one of those people that reads and enjoys Dostoevsky and Flaubert and I always assumed that any coping strategies I might need could be found in great classic literature. After all, what greater torments could I possibly face that Heathcliff and Catherine, Ana, René, Elinor, O, and Valjean haven't already thrashed out for me on the printed page? Les Miserables, my favorite novel, is a detailed map of human woes.
Besides, my family background has predisposed me to keep a stiff upper lip. Our family motto's are expressions like you can't depend on anyone other than yourself and if you're looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your own arm. Of course, we all have meltdowns, but we sort it out ourselves without knowing what color our parachutes are or who moved the cheese.
I have another confession to make. I think it's good to have a couple of loose screws. As a reader of great literature, I know that those writers, like any great artist, has issues. As someone who has always wanted to write, I'm afraid that if I untangle all my psychological knots, my thoughts might become clear so that my own inner life would bore me. I had a happy childhood so I don't have that much to start with as it is.
But fiction has "The End" and my life is more like what's next. And what's next is Imbolc, the time of year when the members of my coven rededicate to the group, to each other, and set goals. So this has me thinking about self-help books. Wicca has a lot of dime-store psychology too. Every priestess with credentials from the Universal Life Church wants to help you overcome your fill in the blank. They mean well, but when the going gets tough, they're usually the first ones going the other direction. They just can't handle all that processing and it's okay; they're not supposed to. A coven isn't a therapy group and a High Priest/ess isn't Wayne Dyer.
I'm not much of a goal-setter, but I've been thinking about it and will have some to share when I gather with my coven. They won't be able to help me and Dr. Phil is probably not available, but that's what self-help books are for. I'll start small, like getting over my fear and shame of being spotted in the self-help section of the bookstore. As for romance novels? No, never.
7 comments:
Unfortunately, I have to agree with your statement that many Wiccan priestesses (and priests) say they want to help you overcome your issues, but are the first ones to go the other way when the going gets tough. I have seen it happen to many people, including my wife.
I also find it sad that people in our society need to go to self-help books for help, rather than each other. We may not all have degrees in psychology, but that doesn't mean we can't lend an open ear. Many times, it's the open ear that is needed most, along with a good hug at the end.
Hopefully, as the covens grow, there will be a stronger sense of bonding so that they can help people overcome problems, even during the darkest of times. That is what family is for, and I see one's coven as family.
Thanks for your comments. My coven is great. It isn't really about them. It's really more about me and my expectations, my trust issues.
I think it's helpful, too, to have a sense of what coven and a HP or HPs can do or should do... and what they really should not, at least without some degree of training. While I hope we're all building spiritual communities that can support and care for one another in times of trouble--and I've seen some terrific examples of that kind of thing--that's different from one on one counseling. And counseling, in a spiritual support sense, is different, too, from practicing psychotherapy!
This is one of the reasons I urge Pagans who are inclined to become specialists in the role of supportive counselor to learn what that means, and why I'm really passionate about courses like the Boundaries and Ethics class offered at Cherry Hill Seminary.
I think sometimes, one reason HPs or HPS's back away in times of trouble is that they think they ought to do more than they really can, and, like the humans we are, they panic. Knowing our limits is a great way to be able to more confidently and freely offer what we can offer one another well.
I won't claim that I'm objective on this--I've been associated with CHS off and on from the outset. But I think they're offering something really important. And (I promise!) I'm not getting a kickback for any testimonials I post. ;)
Just my thoughts.
As in any situation, there are two extremes. I believe that just about everyone has experienced the individual who eats up valuable group time or monopolizes the high priest/ess to talk about his or her personal problems on a regular basis. I agree that such is not the purpose of a coven/group or the high priest/ess. However, the nature of a coven is not a group of solitaries. It is a dynamic entity. Part of group work is being able to depend upon other people. If you are too independent you can inadvertently detach yourself from your coven on multiple planes and affect your work as a group. As an extremely independent woman, this is something I have had to work through myself.
The middle path is a good path. Members of your group want to see you succeed and be the best you can be, or at least they should! The high priest and high priestess of any teaching coven should want to see the positive growth and development of their students. That often includes inner work. In my group, because of the nature of the work we do, certain skills must be mastered before elevating to the next level. Those skills require a healthy mental state. Though we have given some previous students forced sabbaticals in order to deal with issues that were beyond us, we are certainly willing to work with issues that arise in the average individual. Much of those issues tend to revolve around confidence and self-image. What makes Paganism so unique as a religion is that we strive to empower others, not disempower them. I believe it is my duty as a high priestess to empower the members of my Order. The result is a group of well-adjusted, powerful streghe who know they can count on me and on each other in a pinch. We are a family after all.
I do not practice psychotherapy (yikes!), and I know when to refer. Another one of my duties as a high priestess is to train other people to be high priestesses. Part of that includes knowing when to refer students to a professional psychotherapist and how to handle various situations. As a member of a tradition, priestesses in training can come to me for advice when they don't know the answers, and I can in turn ask my own elders when I am stumped as well. Most long-standing traditions work in this manner, and they have been remarkably successful.
Les Miserables! Absolutely the best novel ever written. I've also seen the musical 3x. And the fact that you won't be caught dead lingering in the romance section of the bookstore only further proves you have good taste. :)
I require my candidates for higher degrees to get some training in lay counseling. Usually, I direct them to volunteer for crisis hotlines and the like, where they can get high quality training in crisis intervention and non-directed listening in exchange for a time commitment.
I recommend some self-help books in The Study of Witchcraft. They can be problematic, but also powerful catalysts for needed change. Sometimes all you need is a voice telling you you're not alone, and it really doesn't matter if that voice is in a book.
I think some training in counseling is an excellent idea. I personally plan to get some down the line as I progress in my studies and through the degrees.
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